All or Nothing
by Diary
Summary: "There's always a line, and once you cross it, you can never go back. But we crossed it, anyways, didn't we?" Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

...

Whatever Sebastian took has made him very cuddly.

Trying not to shift away, Dave continues working on his calculus while Sebastian moves under the covers, pressing even more tightly against Dave's thigh.

Midterms are killing Sebastian, making him tired and stressed; tonight, he'd finally reached the boiling point and told Dave he was going to find someone at Scandals and score some pills. It hadn't done any good for Dave to protest; Sebastian had found someone almost immediately, and Dave's options had been to leave him, drop him off at Dalton, or play babysitter for the night.

"Hey," Sebastian says, voice muffled by the sheets, as he pokes Dave's thigh. "I can't be alone tonight."

"You aren't alone," Dave points out, exasperated. He's a little afraid Sebastian is talking about sex; if he's not going to leave him alone in a bar or drop him off at school where anyone can see he's under the influence, then, he's also not going to let him have sex while under the influence. Briefly, he does a mental inventory of his keys; the house key is hanging by the door, and his car keys are hidden in his mom's copy of Pride and Prejudice, where Sebastian, hater of all things Jane Austen, is unlikely to look.

"Hmm. I don't understand," Sebastian says. "There's always a line, and once you cross it, you can never go back. But we crossed it, anyways, didn't we?"

"Sure," Dave agrees, not sure what he's agreeing to.

"I hate the reformed bad boy archetype," Sebastian continues, causing Dave to tense as he does something, probably drawing random designs, on Dave's thigh. "There's nothing wrong with flirting or rampant consensual sex, and there's nothing wrong with being honest and sarcastic. But there is something wrong with almost blinding people and saying things that make a suicidal boy worse."

Flinching, Dave takes a deep breath. "You do remember who you're talking to?"

"I'm talking to you," Sebastian replies, as if he considers that almost too obvious to even bother answering. "You fall for someone, and you don't even have the option of trying to change, because it's too late."

"Which one of us are you talking about," Dave asks with a sigh. He's got it; Kurt is his friend, and frankly, he's lucky to have that much. Now, now, he's getting to a point where he's usually not controlled by his emotions, but after leaving bruises, almost causing an emotional breakdown, and forcing someone to literally flee, the thought of a romantic relationship is absolutely ridiculous; he just wishes he'd realised that before the Valentine's Day fiasco.

"Me," Sebastian answers, giving an audible yawn.

"Don't try to break Kurt and his boyfriend up," he orders. Then, he sighs, "But if they do break up, _on their own_, you do have a chance. You accidentally hurt him in a prank gone wrong and insulted his boyfriend. Compared to what I did-" He trails off.

"You had a legitimate excuse," Sebastian says, hand appearing above the sheets and waving around until it makes contact with Dave's chest. Sebastian pats him. "Having a sexuality crisis while living in a homophobic, often violent world beats being an asshole with an actual sadistic streak."

"You can be a dick, but you don't have an actual sadistic streak," Dave says, carefully moving the hand and setting it down on the sheet, away from his body.

"I do," Sebastian answers, head popping out. "But you like me. The problem is, even if you change, and someone likes you, I imagine the past will bite you, and then, it won't matter. Why do I have to be the good guy?"

Dave wonders if bribing Sebastian with candy and/or soda will save him from this increasing awkward and confusing conversation.

"I don't know," he says. "You don't, I guess. Uh, my therapist says that people who legitimately change can always find someone to love them despite their past?"

Sebastian's head disappears, again, and he sulkily replies, "I don't believe in that. If I love someone, it's going to be because of who they are and who they were and who they will be. And I want the same."

Finishing his homework, he begins checking it, wondering what he can bribe Sebastian with.

"You'll find someone like that, then," he says, finally, half-hoping Sebastian has fallen asleep. "Even if it's not bow-tie boy."

"This isn't about him."

Sighing, Dave sets his homework down on his nightstand. "You can't expect people to be happy about the bad things you've done."

There's an angry sound, and Dave feels Sebastian's foot connect to his ankle. After a minute or two of muttering, Sebastian's head reappears. "Can to," he retorts, eyes glazed. Obviously trying to focus them, he continues, "It sucks you went through so much pain, but all the things you did, they made you my friend. And all the things I did made me, me. You can't just wish for the person to be who they are without any of the bad that made them that way," he says, waggling his finger dangerously close to Dave's face.

"I don't know," he says, considering Sebastian's words. "Maybe- it's, uh, not about judgement? I mean, maybe, you like who someone is, but if they went through a lot of shit in the past, you wish they could be who they are without the pain?"

Sighing, Sebastian flops down, shaking his head. "Screw you. Kurt Hummel's a bitch, and he may have never pushed anyone, but I'd bet the quaint little farm he used his wits and sharp tongue to hurt people. But if you were his boyfriend, you really would just be sorry that he had to go through stuff. And he'd graciously be able to overlook your past. I wish you were happier, but- Okay, I need to stop. Please, tell me you have something other than tap water."

"Yeah," Dave lies, figuring some water might actually help Sebastian. "Here lie on your stomach, and I'll go get you some."

Once he gets Sebastian in place, he heads for the kitchen.

"David?"

"Hey, Dad," he says as he dad closes the bathroom door. "Everything's fine; I'm just getting Sebastian some water."

Briefly, he feels guilty; he'd told his parents Sebastian was sick and didn't have anyone at Dalton to check on him. His parents have always made it very clear drugs are evil, there will be no drugs in the house, and he's not to bring anyone who does drugs into the house.

If Sebastian was tearing things up or dangerous while high, Dave would follow those rules; as it is, Sebastian really doesn't have anyone at the moment besides Dave, and Dave knows all too well what it's like to not have anyone.

Nodding, his father follows him. "Did you finish your homework?"

"Yeah," he answers.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, and his dad kisses his head. "I'm going back to bed; do you or Sebastian need anything before I do?"

"No, we're fine. I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, David."

After getting the water, he goes back only to find Sebastian asleep. Setting the glass down on the nightstand, he puts up his homework and changes for bed.

Once he does, he freezes when Sebastian throws an arm over his chest and presses his face against Dave's neck. "W'en you get o'er Kurt, fall for nice boy," he murmurs. "'Cause- this hurts, falling for the wrong one, and not ashamed of who I was."

Then, Sebastian's body relaxes, telling Dave he's fallen fully asleep.

...

In the morning, he wakes up to find Sebastian on top of the covers, head at the foot of the bed.

"C'mon," he says, shaking the other boy. "It'll be time for breakfast, soon."

"I only remember, oh, I'd say, half of what I said last night."

"You went on a rant that I didn't exactly understand. It was about how people are supposed to love you because of your past instead of in spite of it? Look, just tell me you're not going to start going after Blaine Anderson, again."

Watching his face carefully, Sebastian sits up, causally saying, "Nah. I'm over him. So, does your Judaism mean there will be no bacon?"

"I'm not Jewish; my dad is," he answers, rolling his eyes and getting out of bed. "We have turkey bacon; can you try not to make my mother uncomfortable this time?"

"It's not my fault you look adorably sexy with bed hair," Sebastian says, winking.

Trying and failing not to blush, Dave pushes Sebastian facedown and presses his face against the bed. "Dude, seriously, just pretend for fifteen minutes that my mom is someone you like and respect."

"I like and respect people I can flirt with," Sebastian retorts as Dave grabs his clothes and heads to the bathroom to change. "And people who find my flirting with their son charming!"

"You only flirt with me to get a rise out of her," Dave mutters as soon as he's out of earshot.


End file.
